Saturday, 23 October 2010

You'll Always Find me In the Kitchen At Parties... Chasing Those Arseholes With a Hammer

People that complain about the 'Go Compare' adverts don't know how good we've had it. Now there's a new plague infesting our TVs, and it's even more irritating, not to mention depressing. This bloody advert is based around the 1980 Jona Lewie song "You'll Always Find me In the Kitchen At Parties", reworked and performed by some bunch of scrawny twats called Man Like Me. The full 3-minute advert is too much to cope with, and if I sat through it I fear I would go on an axe rampage.

The short version simply encourages blind rage. Basically it's a bunch of hipsters being ironic in a house made of kitchens, with their pseudo-eighties clothes, their oh-so-cutting-edge delivery and their cast of assorted models and drunks that swarm around the set like flies round a big flat-packed turd.

Look at them. Look at their shirts. The buttons. Even the buttons make me angry. Look at the turquoise trousers. Feel the fury build and boil over. That bit where the two hipsters are on camera and letting things 'pile up' in the kitchen makes my brain itch and my hands crawl towards any blunt object I can find. Everything from their clothes and hair to the lighting of this thing just offends me.

It not only makes me want to avoid Ikea, but makes me actively want to track down everyone involved with making the advert, tie them all up in their underwear in a cold and empty warehouse, and make them watch Daphne and Celeste 'music' videos on a loop. For a decade.

Why does this advert encourage such anger in me? Because it's so damn self-referential, knowing and oozing with shit modern irony that you can't tell if they're taking the piss or genuinely think they're being original and ground-breaking. No. It's just crap, and crap that's been labelled with a cool name to shift some DIY shelves. Bollocks to the lot of you.

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