Monday, 21 March 2011

Wake up, shut up, hang up

Get off your bloody phone. Seriously. The next person who gets in my way in the street while paying more attention to the screen of their expensive Smartphone is going to get it snatched out of their hand, smothered in bleach, set on fire and rammed violently into their anus. Sideways. There is an entire world of stuff going on around you, and your furious thumb-swiping is making you miss out on your life.

I'm all for mobile computing, mobile games and ever more methods of communication, but what I'm not into is having to run the gauntlet of hunched-over hipsters, WAGs and giggly students who have had their eyes surgically attached to their touchscreens.

While out shopping this afternoon, I had to swerve, duck, avoid and otherwise elude at least twenty of these pricks in the street. While in another city at the weekend, there were hordes of them holding up bus queues by continuing to talk with their phone held against their shoulder while they struggled to get fare change out of their pockets.

In the supermarket they stop at random in front of you, causing you to shudder to a halt with your basket of sharp objects, leading you to take said sharp objects and saw off the side of their heads in order to get their bloody phones away from their ears. Seriously though, get off your phone and get your life back. Then at least you'll haave something to talk/Tweet/update your status about.

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