Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Come Dine With Me: Televisual Crack

Okay, I've bitched about bad TV plenty on here and elsewhere in my time as a pop culture hack for many years, but there is one bit of reality TV that never fails to hold my attention, and I need help with my addiction. It's simple. 'Come Dine With Me' is televisual crack.

From the man who stuck a fat guy in a pig mask to the girl who filled a trifle with sausages (both of which are REAL, and not the product of my fevered imagination), the contestants are a procession of maniacs, snobs and freaks with a sprinkling of normal people. The premise of following a bunch of people through the creation, execution and aftermath of dinner parties is both inspired and achingly simple, as are many of the best ideas. Mayhem, arguing, backstabbing and bad food ensues, all while contestants try to get each other drunk enough to give high scores.

Of course, it wouldn't be anywhere near as gloriously naff/fun without the godlike narration of Dave Lamb, a man with a delivery so delightful that he'll certainly make your souffle rise. A stream of puns, jokes, screaming and mockery pours forth into his microphone, giving the show the commentary track we all wish we were witty enough to do ourselves.

A favourite game that myself and my lady play while watching it is to come up withh the maddest things we would serve if we went on there. My own favourite is my bellowed suggestion of 'MASH IN A BOOT!' while my lady suggests a Pot Noodle and crisps followed by half a custard cream marinated in a fat man's arse crack. Yum.

Then of course there's the unveiling of the winner, during which we all watch the losers squirm and force themselves to congratulate whoever has bagged the lovingly fanned-out prize money whilst mouthing the word 'bastard' and hoping they were out of shot. Come Dine With Me is such a simple recipe, but the execution of the show is anything but just pub grub.

No comments: