Saturday, 15 October 2011
I don't often write personal posts here, but...
It's late. My girlfriend is asleep. I was out cold earlier, but now I'm awake and typing nonsense. I'm listening to the songs that defined me 5-10 years ago (and a few from a bit further back), and these tunes are bringing back a flood of memories that are at once infuriating and fascinating. I was a mess a few years ago.
Several very bad decisions led to me having a very strange life indeed, which in turn resulted in me being royally f**ked up for years. I don't mean in the sense of drink (I barely do), drugs (I never have) or criminality (nope), rather in the sense of being a breathing bundle of turbulence. I was perpetually stressed, perpetually tired, very pale and always ill.
Something changed along the way, and I set about putting the fallout of those bad decisions right. Now I have found myself pretty close to being the man I aways wished I could be. At a very base level there was an attitude change, a snapping from one state to another, which enabled me to think 'F**k this' and start sorting my life out.
Revisiting yourself, while sometimes disturbing and upsetting, is a good thing. Remind yourself of how far you have come, and also how far you have yet to go. Remember those dreams you had? Those hopes? They haven't died with the passing of the years. They're still there. You're just not listening to them any more.
I say listen, and listen good.