Saturday, 10 December 2011

Leona Lewis Has Covered “Hurt”. The World Must Be Destroyed.

These are the end times. Leona Lewis, the personification of sugar and fluff, has recorded a cover version of “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails. This fact alone should be enough to warrant several thousand nuclear warheads being aimed at the Earth's core. I not only don't want to live on this planet any more, I'd rather like the entire planet to be reduced to nothing but ashes. It's the only sensible option.

The original is one of the most beautifully melancholic and introspective songs ever written, a bitter slice of wallowing that solace can be found in, not a throwaway ballad sung by some ululating, twee popstrel.

Johnny Cash got away with covering it because it was JOHNNY CASH covering it. His version was simple, bleak and raw. The Nine Inch Nails original was a rare and precious thing, a perfect song performed with the perfect atmosphere. Now it has been sullied by Leona 'ballads for blood' Lewis, and our world has run out of time.

See what you've done, Leona? You have made all those crap prophecies about the end of the world coming in 2012 arrive early. The only way humanity can be saved is for the original version of the song to be played hourly on every radio station, TV channel, YouTube channel and smartphone in the world for the next six months. Only Trent Reznor can save us now.

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