As I Was Saying.../ Online Me Vs Real Me

As I was saying...

I haven't blogged properly in ages. The last major chunk of blogging I did was my Compendium 2020 project, but that was all about posting short stories rather than glimpses into my cluttered and confused mind. I've been looking through my old posts and missing getting my thoughts out there as text, so here I am. Hi again. The irony of me getting nostalgic over old blog posts when I'm mainly known for talking about nostalgia isn't lost on me.

The act of working on two nostalgic books, namely my new one That Retro Life and the revised edition of my 2014 cult hit VHS Ate My Brain, has brought me back to a state of reflection. I should have expected it, really. Revisiting the past can be a rocky road, but with these two books I hope that I have been able to capture some of the magic bits of growing up.

Unfortunately, growing up culminates in Adult Life, and Adult Life is such a pain in the arse that sometimes the only satisfying escape is looking back to when things were better.

Well, more familiar anyway.

I'm still dealing with some of the mental fallout of the pandemic era, and delving into old movies, old comics, old TV shows and the like continues to provide some comfort. What has helped even more though was a period of becoming engrossed in the YouTube channels of creators who are pushing this love for old stuff into new territories.

Creators like Pixel Dan, Retro Rick, Ed's Retro Geek Out, Metal Jesus, Laura Legends, Retro Ghetto and many, many more go deeper than just liking old stuff. They offer a deeper examination of why we loved these things in the first place. That's what I try to do with my autobiographical pop culture books. I want to tell the story of our journeys through the things that made us who we are.

That's what tonight has been like for me, looking through old posts.

I went through the dates of the posts and could map out my life over the last however many years this blog has been up. It brought up more than just the contents of the posts. It brought up what was going on at home and work, but it also brought back the struggles I faced with my own mental health along the way as well.

My head is in a way better space than it ever has been, and I'm writing this here in the hope that somehow the words slip back through time to the younger me and let him know that things do get better.

I don't have many regrets, but the ones I've got have stuck with me for years. I'm sad about lost friendships from many years ago, when I was so wrapped up in my own drama that I ignored my own duties as a friend. If those former friends ever read this, let's talk. I'm sorry. I regret not trying out for a certain band when I was asked to audition as a singer. I regret not pursuing a few opportunities.

However:

I don't regret the things I've done or the things I've been part of. The bands. The DJing in clubs. the radio show. The podcasts. The art exhibition. The crazy couple of years working for indie film companies on films that didn't get finished, let alone released. The writing. Especially the writing.

Getting words down has served me well over the years, giving me international exposure that I'm hugely grateful for. It also allowed me an element of catharsis and a chance to flex my textual muscles.

But have I shared too much over the years? Have I been too open and revealed too much of myself in books like Bagged and Boarded: Life on Planet Geek or the aforementioned VHS Ate My Brain, or even here on this site?

I don't believe so. I always wanted to be open about my life and the driving forces behind the things I do because in a way I wanted to stake my claim. I wanted to say, here, this is me and I know I'm weird but that's all I can offer. Online Me and Real Me are really similar, and I've been careful about that. I find if all my cards are on the table, there's less of a chance people will stumble across my oddness accidentally. 

So from this guy in his forties who wears Superman Converse, nerdy t-shirts and a Straight toVideo cap while listening to a million types of music, watching horror movies and anime and sci-fi and surrounding himself with comics and VHS tapes, let's see this post as a jumping-on point for new friends and a hello to old friends.

If you found me through life, through my writing, through my YouTube channel or whatever, you're welcome here and I hope you'll hang around a while.

Let's get braindumping.